Life in the very fast lane...: As I have travelled along the cobbled road referre...

Life in the very fast lane...: As I have travelled along the cobbled road referre...: As I have travelled along the cobbled road referred to as “aspiring writer”, I have, most often, taken my inspiration from a quote I have re...

As I have travelled along the cobbled road referred to as “aspiring writer”, I have, most often, taken my inspiration from a quote I have read somewhere, at some time that appeals to my not-too-hot creative nerve. 

About a month ago, I read a quote of Nelson Mandela’s – “may your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears”.  I wrote it down and thought I would get back to it when the creative genie emerged from the now tarnished oil lamp again.  Of course, it goes without saying that our lives have now changed, and in the time since reading that and where we find ourselves today, there was no creative genie or genius anywhere to be found, and our Madiba is in another world to the one we are in.  I feel it even more appropriate now to write on this quote than ever before.

I have sat and thought about this quote so much.  How many decisions would I not have made had I made them in hope instead of fear?  Well, as a single gal in her 40’s, one could always start with relationships.  How many relationships do we enter into out of fear – fear of being left on the shelf?  Tick.  Fear of not having anyone around in the wee small dark hours of the night?  Tick.  Fear of being alone forever?  Tick.  Not travelling due to fear of lack of funds?  Tick.  Fear that robbers may arrive in the middle of the night so it is best to sleep in one’s make-up so as to look at one’s best should this happen?  Double tick.

Had I thought about this in my fun 20’s, I would have done things differently; had I thought about this in my dismal 30’s, I would most certainly have done things differently, now that I am thinking about this in my naughty 40’s, I am going to do things differently.

I am proud to say that I am no longer fearful of that shelf I have mentioned – I now realise I belong there, and it is actual prime real estate and my happy place.  Rather uncomplicated in fact.  I will somehow travel more, and not be (too) fearful of the consequences – I also now realise that the consequences of travel would not be so dire if I simply chose, for once, NOT to visit the Chanel store.

I think many of us watched the post-Madiba days on the television, and I think we all, rightly so, took our own part of him with us.  I would be bold enough to say that for each of us, what we learnt from him was different and as individual as our own thumb prints.  For me, even though I did not know his days were as numbered as they indeed were when I read that quote, I will take it on board, and give thought to it before I jump into my next big decision making process.  I understand that this, for me, intrinsically impulsive, is a big statement to make, but I will give it my very best effort.

And so, as this year that is 2013 draws to a close, and we move into the next year with a clean canvas and new brushes, l for one, will base my new chapter on hope, and no longer on fear.

Onwards and upwards.

Life in the very fast lane...: Latest published article from Inspire magazine.F...

Life in the very fast lane...: Latest published article from Inspire magazine.

F...: Latest published article from Inspire magazine. Finding your happy place When my daughter was born, her much-loved God-father gav...

Latest published article from Inspire magazine.

Finding your happy place

When my daughter was born, her much-loved God-father gave her an exquisite silver compass.  The gift arrived clothed in a velvet pouch, housed within a sturdy box, with a silver stamp explaining its Scottish heritage.  I remember clearly holding the object of beauty in my hand, and reading the engraving on the front cover – “The world is your oyster.  Enjoy life, and find your own true north”.

I was a new mother, experiencing all the emotions that arrive with that experience, and so, opening that gift and reading those words led to tears welling up in my tired eyes instantly.

Many years have come and gone since that event, yet I still remember that inscription, and from time to time, to remind myself of needing to find my own way, I take out the compass and hold it in my hands for a few minutes, attempting to focus on where my true north is, and remembering to take heed and not forget that each person is different, and whilst the earth has one true north, we as individuals all operate with our own manuals, our own compass, and our own emotional G.P.S.

Some people call it finding your happy place, which I guess it is, however, it is more to me, about finding your own true north.  At some point in our lives, we all need to come to an understanding of exactly what makes us tick.  In my experience, my life until the age of thirty was just one field of true north.  I was lucky enough to be surrounded by happiness, love, and an endless supply of one of my favourite pass-times… fun.  Life was a breeze, and then I turned thirty.

The decade from thirty to forty was more like a raw patch of south rather than a cool breeze from the north.  The fun was taken over by responsibility, motherhood, late nights, early mornings, a push to prove myself from a career perspective, a world more competitive than I could ever have imagined, and many personal losses which at times left me reeling.

Until responsibility set in, which was a shock to my system, life was one big cruise at the front of the ship.  I was Rose standing with my arms outstretched, with a delicious Leonardo DiCaprio behind me.  And then came the iceberg. 

The path that followed is not really one to be discussed, but I will say that I am grateful now for that iceberg – it humbled me, brought me back down to earth with a massive jolt and it forced me to look within for my happiness.  To date, probably my hardest yet most valuable lesson.

I would argue that I have read more self-help books than the average librarian; and as much as I at times sound like an iPod full of positive tunes and sayings, the research and self-analysis has, in hindsight, served me well.  Having crossed the bridge aptly named “pain, loss and suffering”, I am today almost at the other side of adversity, and I am too, firmly of the belief that what Aristotle said in his lifetime was true – “it is possible to fail in many ways...while to succeed is possible only in one way”.  One has to search, and search, and continue to search, until you find your own true north, your center, your port in the storm, the core of your being, which equates to your happy place.  When all else is stripped away from you, and you have only yourself to rely on, to fall back on, and to be with in the lonely moments, are you happy with the company you keep?  The destination may take a lifetime to find, but the journey is the part that is truly the experience to behold.

Life in the very fast lane...: The latest article for Inspire magazine. Anyonecan...

Life in the very fast lane...: The latest article for Inspire magazine. Anyonecan...: The latest article for Inspire magazine.   Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. I feel certain that each and ev...

The latest article for Inspire magazine.

 

Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.

I feel certain that each and every one of us has, at a time, had to start again.  As Carl Bard so aptly said – “although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending”.  I simply love that adage.

Whilst Mother Earth has the annual four seasons, so do we too, at times, have our own personal spring, that follows our own personal winter.

I recently had to face a multitude of fears and demons, and walk through an emotional cobbled street of hot coals, in order to reach the end of one road, and yet the beginning of another.  At times I felt sure that there was simply no way I would be able to complete the task at hand, yet, when extreme mental might was needed, there I found it, nestled comfortably on a pillow labeled “inner strength found here”.

It is when we feel our weakest that we are often in fact our strongest; it is when one door closes that a gilt-lined castle sized door opens up right before our eyes; it is when one period of our lives ends, that another, more exciting one begins and, like a brand new sparkling sunrise, we are given the gift and the opportunity to start over.

The trick, of course, is to try not to drag the mistakes of the previous season into the clean palate of this new, fresh, lime green period.  Whilst this is all good in theory, we all know that this is not as easy as it sounds.  And so, whilst the possibility of new opportunities excites me, I know I need to turn away from past memories of mistakes, and rush boldly forward into unchartered territory – completely believing that the best is yet to come.

I have studied at length great entrepreneurs who have lost all they had, only to turn things around and go on to succeed far more than even they could have dreamt of.  When I completed my Creative Writing course last year, we were cautioned ad nauseam as to how few writers truly succeed, and given examples of authors who submitted numerous manuscripts which were turned down, yet, they kept going and approaching new author houses, finally to win their own race, and with record scores.  One such example is “The Help” – a novel by Kathryn Stockett which was later turned into a first rate movie.  Kathryn submitted her manuscript more than sixty times before it was finally accepted.  She never gave up; as one door slammed rudely in her face, she knocked politely on the next one.  Giving up was never an option.  And last but not least, my favourite example – world class American band Lady Antebellum – whose female lead, Hillary Scott, was thrown out of American Idol in round one.  She took the rejection well, and moved on to look for other opportunities… and take a look at her now.

There is most certainly a place in the world for those try, try and try again, and whilst I have in the past been prone to wilting just before the finish line, the past decade has taught me that this world is not for sissies, and that those who are prepared to get up and carry on when they have no idea how they will make it through the next minute, never mind hour, will be the individuals who win in the end, and who live to see the dawn of another super-charged day, which is literally alive with possibility.

My own story involves a move of home, across provinces, down valleys and transcending rivers.  I was warned, more than once, that a move was incredibly stressful, but I ignored the warnings and felt sure I could handle it all in my stride.  Well, handle it I did, but stride, well, I am not so sure.  There were times when I traded my water glass for a large wine goblet, and there were times too when even my water glass neatly read “Bombay Sapphire” on the side of it, and no-one was happier than me.  When trucks broke down or got lost, or both, and when precious worldly goods arrived in a state of disrepair, I thought for real that I was circling the drain they call insanity.  All that being said, one of my great friends gently reminded me that to throw a tantrum or give in to a “mid-life meltdown” would only have harmed one person, me, and really, was it worth it?  Sage advice indeed.

The move is now behind me and I realise that it was so worth the emotional roller-coaster it took to get to this point; to go and face those aforementioned emotional demons, to pick myself up, dust myself off, and carry on.  And whilst I realise too that there are some endings that are truly final, and never to be re-explored, so too are there brand new, shiny beginnings. 

So for those who are tempted to give up, my advice would be not to.  We should all learn from those who have tried and failed, and continued until they have succeeded.  Life does bring us endings, but focus not on those; instead, turn your face to the sunrise, and to the new day, to the opportunities that lie ahead, and focus only on starting over, and creating that brand new ending. 

Life in the very fast lane...: It is a well-known fact that my most favourite met...

Life in the very fast lane...: It is a well-known fact that my most favourite met...: It is a well-known fact that my most favourite metropolis in the world is one New York City.   Part of my soul resides there, and I have l...