I finally think I have found the greatest affliction of current times - it is not global warming, it is not terrorism, it is not drugs, or alcohol, or rock 'n roll, it is the single woman.

It is completely staggering how, if you are single, you are an automatic worldwide threat. 

There are marriages all over Southern Africa who fear us single girls; and, having quite a few friends in the same category as I am, we are a collective force to be reckoned with.

If you are single, you are definitely looking to destroy or run interference in another's marriage; if you are seen out and about with a good friend who happens to be male, you are definitely involved with him and most certainly you are spending time together way into the wee small hours of the morning.  If you are seen out on the town with women on their own, then your sexuality is suddenly questioned, but worst of all, if you are seen out in a large crowd of men and women then there is complete mayhem, and utter confusion.  And don't get me started on if you are a single mother... you must most certainly then be looking for the future father of your future children, whether you want more off-spring or not.

I am talking of course about society, and about how we are judged according to pure perception.  It seems incomprehensible that you may be friends with a couple, without wanting to create a love triangle within their lives; it seems even more impossible that you are able to have male friends without there being anything sinister going on; and heaven forbid you are discovered home on a Friday night - you must certainly have snuck in a secret lover, 007 style.  Move over Daniel Craig.

And so this has been not only my conclusion, but that of all my single friends, most of whom are single out of choice, and quite frankly prefer the simple life i.e. to not be in a relationship at present, for various reasons.  We are not ruling out relationships forever, but certainly for now.

I have decided there is only one thing to do - I must be seen out with different people all of the time, and therefore, create such massive confusion out there that no-one knows if I am single, married, divorced, engaged, or lesbian.  I think it sounds like a challenge worth pursuing, and one that I, and all my unattached friends, are looking forward to.

The moral:  If at first you don't succeed in creating an accurate picture of what is really going on in your life, don't worry, because someone out there will be making up your story for you...

Life in the very fast lane...: I recently watched the movie "The Help" which had ...

Life in the very fast lane...: I recently watched the movie "The Help" which had ...: I recently watched the movie "The Help" which had me in fits of laughter at times, and at other times, I had tears literally streaming down ...

I recently watched the movie "The Help" which had me in fits of laughter at times, and at other times, I had tears literally streaming down my face at the raw emotion of it.

I was horrified in so many ways at how the helpers were treated by their employers.  My heart almost broke when a little girl cried her eyes out when her nanny left her parent's employment, forever.  It was a scene that was just too close to home.

My family has had our helper for more than twenty years now.  When I had my baby, six and half years ago now, Rosie became my daughter's nanny.  My daughter has always known Rosie as someone who is always around, a constant companion, loving, giving, and with an acute sense of humour.

Rosie, over time, has progressed in my life to that of close friend and confidante.  She knows all the ins and outs of my life; knows my friends, and comes on holiday with me and my daughter.  Rosie has more friends at the family beach resort we love than I do, and when we are there, her social life is far more prolific than mine is.

Watching the movie got me to thinking about how different my life would be if she were not around.  Rosie always loves my new boyfriends (don't get me wrong, this hasn't happened for QUITE SOME TIME), and calls whoever it may be "a good man" when they first arrive on the scene, and once they leave, of their own accord or by mutual consent, or due to a decision I have made, then suddenly the sentence is different - "oh, the men, they are ALL the same!"  Of course, at this stage of the courtship, I can only agree.

Rosie has a collection of wigs that would put Marilyn Monroe and Dolly Parton to shame.  She is always brilliantly turned out, with a huge smile on her face and a story of sorts to tell. 

In this changing and fast-paced world, it does seem so important to have that one constant in one's life.  A non-judgemental person within your home, who just helps, chats, uplifts, and most importantly believes in you.

Don't get me wrong, we have had one fight, but Rosie's response to me was so unexpected, I have never fought with her again.  The details of the argument are too boring to repeat, but, I was in the wrong, however, in the throes of my tantrum, she just looked at me and said very calmly "madam, you are CRAZY!"  I started to laugh so hard, I forgave Rosie instantly, and the matter was behind us, forever.

And so, the moral:  Be thankful for those angels in our homes who are friends, confidantes, who take care of our children, who are a constant support - both physically and from a friendship perspective.  Post seeing that movie, I will never take Rosie for granted again, and I hope above all, that I will never give her cause to call me crazy, ever again.

Life in the very fast lane...: As most “wannabe” writers will find, they need to ...

Life in the very fast lane...: As most “wannabe” writers will find, they need to ...: As most “wannabe” writers will find, they need to “read and review” their handy work from time to time.   I re-read my latest blogs and al...

As most “wannabe” writers will find, they need to “read and review” their handy work from time to time.  I re-read my latest blogs and although they are all truly authentic, and from the heart, they are all jolly serious.  The truth be told, in the words of one of my favourite authors, Elizabeth Lessor, my soul has been “broken open” by pain in recent times, and whilst this is part of life (let’s face it, at one time or another, we have ALL had our hearts broken by various events and circumstances), it has also been a huge learning curve for me, as pain often is, and the growth has been staggering, and mainly, in hindsight, positive.

So, enough of that – I tried, “it” failed, I need to move on, and move away from the pain.

And now on to the still authentic, but far more humorous… my cousin’s bachelorette this last weekend in the Eastern Cape.

To paint the picture – eleven young, nubile, very pretty girls out for a party, and then there was me.  The oldest by more than a decade, it was my task to take care of this lot, and let me tell you, this was not a very easy job at all.  In fact, there were times I envied Obama, as his job at the moment, including his running for the presidency, is just dead easy compared to what my task at hand was.

We had dressed up my cousin in a bridesmaid dress of a very good friend of ours, whose wedding was in the ‘80’s.  There were spills and frills, and a list of “to do’s” which included proposing to two strangers (not necessarily at the same time), getting the phone number of a married man (which happened, in front of his very understanding wife – he was also about 101, so was very excited), having her wedding song played by a DJ still to be found, getting a stranger to take off his shirt and flex his muscles… and on we go.

We were VERY responsible and got a party bus, which was fabulous, except for the poor bus driver.  Within a minute, he had been proposed to, and asked to take off his shirt and flex his muscles.  He declined.  We were horrified.

My cousin eventually found an unsuspecting chap to remove his shirt, and I have to admit that this was the most focused I had seen the group of girls for the entire evening.  The same said chap was asked “what part of Ireland are you from?” and his reply “the Free State”.  Enough said.  Paddy the Irishman was sitting with a chap who told me he was an artist, and when I enquired as to what he did in the art line, he told me he designed stained glass windows.  I tried to move on quickly, but not before he attempted to ask me out on a date.  I think not.

Things got more and more eventful as the night wore on, and performing the head count as we moved from bar to bar became more and more difficult for me as the wine took hold of my counting abilities.  Eleven is a very large number after all, and involves more than two hands.  At one stage, I was three chicks down, and a wave of panic hit me.  I have no idea why I was worried though, as there they were, in one of the main roads of Port Alfred, my cousin, the bride, inside a shopping trolley, being pushed by two of the nubiles, while the local police man drove slowly by… needless to say, we did have a run-in with the same said police man a little later in the evening, but that is another story.

Apart from all the fun, and the reminders of how I used to party in my twenties, I also learnt a new term, called a “T.C.” – a “technical chunder”.  Whilst I am very proud to admit I did not partake of this, those that did felt a whole lot better on Sunday morning than I did, so I feel there may be something in this T.C. thing.  I feel, however, that the less I say about this party term, perhaps the better.

And to end, we need a moral of the story:  whether you are young, or tapping on the door that is 40 like I am, it is possible to let one’s hair down, have good, clean fun, see a few clenched muscles and the odd chest hair, and come home in one piece, via the shopping trolley.  I do have to admit though, that if that was the practice run for the wedding, we are all in for a large ride in six weeks’ time… watch the local newspaper headlines for details.

Life in the very fast lane...: While I am at a stage in my life when I am looking...

Life in the very fast lane...: While I am at a stage in my life when I am looking...: While I am at a stage in my life when I am looking at the “why” and the “how” of events that take place, the past week has been nothing s...

While I am at a stage in my life when I am looking at the “why” and the “how” of events that take place, the past week has been nothing short of content for this chapter.

A week ago I was dealing with an attempted armed robbery at a friend’s house, in which the domestic worker was assaulted, and fairly badly beaten, but most of all, traumatised; five days later, I was at a bachelorette party in the Eastern Cape in which I spent most of the evening doubled over I was laughing so much at what was going on around me.  Talk about a 180 degree turn.

The week has been such a reminder to me, that life is a continuous yin and yang.  There is lightness and there is darkness, there is laughter, and there is terror, there are friends, and there are foes.  Such is the nature of the life we lead today.
 
I have also been witness to the strength of an individual, the same said domestic worker, who has risen above the situation; been thankful that she was not more seriously harmed, and grateful for her job, and for her salary.  So too, have I seen the immense joy that one can have with like-minded individuals who are genuinely happy for another’s happiness and who want to “go out and celebrate” the fact that jubilation in the form of a good union of individuals is around, and soon to acuminate in a wedding.
 
When one is faced with the possibility of a fatal gun wound, you realise life is short; when one is faced with a lifetime of commitment to another person, you realise life can be long, and you need to do whatever you can to make that union as happy as possible “until death you do part”.
 
One needs to tread carefully, however, in both situations.  My view is that the lesson is a simple one:  take care of yourself and protect yourself as best you can from harm, and from strangers who are on a mission of destruction; and when the shoe is on the other foot, it is time to go out of your way to protect another from harm, and from any strangers on a mission of destruction.

The more my days progress, the more I realise that the road of life can indeed be long, make the most of the minutes and miles in which one is doubled over in laughter mode – whether you are laughing at yourself, or with someone else.